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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Canucks-Blues Game Goes Into Extra-Puck-Time Or Something

ST. LOUIS—A recent hockey game between the St. Louis Blues and Vancouver Canucks went into extra-puck-time or something, ESPN reported Monday, after the two teams completed the real part of the contest yet continued to skate around for some time after that. "Usually they just do the beginning part, the middle part, and the end part, but this one was different—perhaps it had something to do with that man getting thrown into that icebox thing after he stepped over the blue line into the out-of-bounds zone or whatever," said Barry Melrose on ESPN's NHL 2Night. "Hard to say, really. However, this game exceeded the length of a regular hockey game by a certain length of time, possibly even several minutes. That's what makes this sport great." Melrose noted that if the score had remained tied for much longer, the game would have been settled with one of those slapshot contests or goal-offs or some other such hockey-related deal.

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