adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

Captain Kirk's Life Flashes Before Dying Trekkie's Eyes

MILFORD, CT– Moments before dying, car-accident victim and hardcore Star Trek fan Glenn Schaefer saw Captain James T. Kirk's life flash before his eyes. "It's all coming back to me," said Schaefer, bleeding profusely and fading from massive head trauma. "The Salt Vampires of M-113, assisting Spock through the Pon Farr, outmaneuvering Khan Singh in the Mutara Nebula, the dilithium mines of Rura Penthe. I'm even seeing portions of the animated series and the Lost Years novels." Before taking his final breath, Schaefer turned to attending medical personnel and said, "It was... fun."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close