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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Car Salesman Three Desks Over Going On And On About Chick He Banged Last Night

VIENNA, VA— The sales associate three desks over from Chevy/Geo dealer Karl Glodek
is going on and on about the chick he banged last night, sources reported Monday.
"You would not believe the stamina on this chick. Hours. She was a total freak,"
the salesman told an unnamed friend over the phone, as well as Glodek and the couple about
to sign on a 2002 Chevy Prizm sedan. "Incredible rack, too—like, out to
here." Glodek then suggested the couple go outside for "one more look at that
beaut of a Prizm."

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