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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Car Salesman Three Desks Over Going On And On About Chick He Banged Last Night

VIENNA, VA— The sales associate three desks over from Chevy/Geo dealer Karl Glodek
is going on and on about the chick he banged last night, sources reported Monday.
"You would not believe the stamina on this chick. Hours. She was a total freak,"
the salesman told an unnamed friend over the phone, as well as Glodek and the couple about
to sign on a 2002 Chevy Prizm sedan. "Incredible rack, too—like, out to
here." Glodek then suggested the couple go outside for "one more look at that
beaut of a Prizm."

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