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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Cardinals Find Themselves In Wouldn't-Hurt-To-Win-But-Don't-Really-Have-To Situation

PHOENIX—With a cushy four-game lead in their division following their 26-20 win over the Seahawks last week, the Arizona Cardinals head into week 12 of the regular season in a crucial wouldn't-hurt-to-win-but-don't-really-have-to situation. "As Arizona Cardinals, there is nothing we prepare for more than these at-first-glance-big-but-truly-unimportant-in-the-greater-scheme-of-things games," head coach Ken Whisenhunt said in a press conference earlier this week. "We need to get out there, play physical, and execute, though if we don't it probably won't be the worst thing in the world. I can already see one or two games after this one that are more important, and that's not even counting the playoffs, which we're pretty much guaranteed to make at this point." Whisenhunt added that playing in the worst division in football makes it hard to estimate his team's chances against the Giants but "certainly has its compensations."

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