adBlockCheck

Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cardinals Host Going-Away Party At Pope's Favorite Vatican City Dive Bar

VATICAN CITY—Following Pope Benedict XVI’s announcement that he will resign the papacy at the end of the month, a group of cardinals reportedly hosted a going-away party for the pontiff at his favorite Vatican City dive bar, The Empty Chalice, on Thursday night. “Ratzy’s had a wild ride for the past eight years, and me and the guys figured there was no better way to send him off in style than a night out at the Chalice,” a visibly intoxicated Cardinal Bishop Angelo Sodano said of the celebration at the dingy, no-frills watering hole, which sources said is renowned for its €2 shot specials and is reportedly “stumbling distance” from the 85-year-old pontiff’s private quarters at the Apostolic Palace. “This is our usual after-work spot and we’ve had a lot of rowdy times here, so tonight might get a little out of control. Hey, they don’t call this place ‘Puke-arist’ for nothing!” At press time, Benedict and his archdiocese heads had reportedly been ejected from the bar for harassing a group of young boys at the other end of the bar.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close