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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Cardinals To Donate $1,000 To Charity Every Time John Lackey Hits A Batter

ST. LOUIS—As part of their ongoing effort to give back to the community, the St. Louis Cardinals announced Friday that the team will be donating $1,000 to charity for every batter that starting right-hander John Lackey hits with a pitch. “The Cardinals organization has always sought to lend a hand to those in need, so in that spirit, we will now be contributing to a number of national and local charities every time John plunks someone on the numbers,” Cardinals team president Bill DeWitt III told reporters, noting that the initiative will run through the end of the season, with the ultimate goal of $50,000 raised for good causes. “Whether John tags a batter in the back, beans him right on the helmet, or even just hits his arm with a pitch that’s high and inside, we’ll be writing a check. We hope these worthy charities will be able to do a lot of good with this money, and we’re fully confident that John will do his part.” DeWitt went on to say that the franchise would also be pledging $10,000 to the St. Louis Children’s Hospital every time a player on the opposing team charges the mound and sparks a bench-clearing brawl.

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