NEW YORK—At a loss as to how they could emerge from a weekend of regular-season football without any fresh insight whatsoever, ashamed and humbled members of the sports media admitted to the public Tuesday that they learned absolutely nothing from week 11 of the NFL season.
HAMPTON, GA—Shortly after engine failure forced him to take a 'Did Not Finish' at the Kobalt Tools 500 Sunday, disappointed but athletic NASCAR driver Carl Edwards climbed onto his Roush Racing No. 99 Office Depot Ford Fusion car and performed a slow, melancholy backflip off the hood. "I don't know what happened—everything was going smoothly until smoke started pouring out the back," Edwards said while sullenly rotating on his horizontal axis above the Atlanta Motor Speedway at approximately 15 seconds per revolution. "Wheeeeeeeeeee." Edwards proceeded to congratulate race winner Kyle Busch, sign autographs for fans, and conduct a 30-minute press conference while flipping somberly through the air.