adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Carl Lewis, Michael Johnson Argue Over Who Has To Wear Back End Of Curlin Costume For Belmont Stakes

BALTIMORE—During the cool-down lap that followed "Curlin's" victory celebration immediately after the supposed three-year-old won the Belmont Stakes, loud arguing could be heard coming from inside the horse costume as veteran sprinters Carl Lewis and Michael Johnson discussed which man would pose as the rear of the 5-to-3 favorite in the upcoming Belmont stakes. "Man, I was the damn butt-end this time. It's no picnic running behind your washed-up ass, you know? Next time I get to be out front and you get to be whupped on the shoulders," said a voice presumed to be that of world-record holder Johnson. "Hell no, man, no way I'm pushing no slow little dude all the way around Belmont, you hear me? We won with me in front and we're winning with me in front next month, so you best just get used to it back there," said a voice sounding much like that of Olympic legend Lewis. Although it seems unlikely jockey Robby Alborado could have avoided hearing the argument occurring within his "colt," witnesses say Alborado merely stared unblinkingly ahead through the exchange, squirming slightly.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close