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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Carlos Lee Befriends Anthill In Left Field

HOUSTON—Upon discovering an anthill in left field during Saturday's game against the Nationals, Astros Carlos Lee reportedly befriended the colony of red ants by introducing himself to each of the insects individually. "My little ant friends are so nice and they don't get mad at me when I come over and talk to them like Hunter Pence does," said Lee, who reportedly placed his head on the ground next to then anthill to appear less intimidating to the ants. "They're my best little buddies in the whole world. They tickle the inside of my nose and give me stingy kisses." Lee held a candlelight memorial after the game to honor the thousands of ants that were tragically killed when he crushed the anthill while fielding a fly ball.

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