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Romance

Romantic Gesture Too Expensive To Waste On Current Girlfriend

HARRISBURG, PA—Claiming that the price of the incredible idea far exceeded his emotional investment in his relationship, local man Alex Ramsey said Wednesday that an extravagant romantic gesture he has in mind is too expensive to waste on his current girlfriend.

Man Tinkering With Anecdote Set List Before Next Date

PORTLAND, OR—Saying that he wants to provide a unique, enjoyable listening experience that draws from all periods of his life, area man Ian Watts told reporters Wednesday that he has been tinkering with his set list of anecdotes ahead of an upcoming...

Area Woman Dumped On 15-Week Anniversary

TACOMA, WA—Insult compounded romantic injury Saturday when local boyfriend Charles Pond not only broke up with Karen Brunhoff, the woman he has dated since last spring, but reportedly “had the nerve” to dump her on the couple’s 15-...
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Romance

Carlos Santana Surprises Wife With Coupon For Free 45-Minute Guitar Solo

LAS VEGAS—In a spontaneous romantic gesture by the 10-time Grammy Award winner, guitarist Carlos Santana presented his wife, Cindy Blackman, with a handmade coupon redeemable for a complimentary 45-minute guitar solo Wednesday, sources confirmed. “There’s no expiration date—this one’s good anytime, babe,” Santana said of the signed certificate bordered with hand-drawn hearts and musical notes, which is said to grant the bearer “One (1) solo, either electric or acoustic, of no less than 45 minutes.” “No matter what time of day, no matter what I’m doing, just hand over the coupon and I’ll give you a solo you won’t forget.” Sources reported that Blackman then thanked her husband for the gift before adding it to the nightstand drawer where she keeps all the previous Santana-solo coupons she has received.

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