Carmelo Anthony Considers Himself The Nuggets' Dipping Sauce

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Vol 44 Issue 12

Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

ITHACA, NY—"I'm going to be the big boy of the house until he gets back," said 5-year-old Ryan Lewis, whose daddy now resides in a cool underground fort.

Clinton Wants New Primary

Hillary Clinton is calling on Barack Obama to overturn the ruling of the Democratic party and concede to accepting the "do-over" primaries of Florida...

Tyler Hansbrough

It's uplifting to see his kind of intensity and passion, but what does that have to do with sports?
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Carmelo Anthony Considers Himself The Nuggets' Dipping Sauce

DENVER—Small forward Carmelo Anthony admitted to his teammates Tuesday that he regards himself as the tasty honey mustard sauce into which the battered and deep-fried Nuggets basketball team is dipped. "I do my best to be a zesty flavoring explosion all over the court," Anthony said, adding that he was so delicious that you always wanted a little more. "This team might be hot and crispy, but they'd be a little bland without my ability to be sweet and tangy all at once." Anthony added that guard Allen Iverson was the breading that held the team together, and the rest of his teammates were the lean meat that was minced, processed, and packed into the shape of the Nuggets.
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