Residents of Pennington, IL report that hot shit Jeff Statsky has returned home with his tail between his legs.
DENVER—Small forward Carmelo Anthony admitted to his teammates Tuesday that he regards himself as the tasty honey mustard sauce into which the battered and deep-fried Nuggets basketball team is dipped. "I do my best to be a zesty flavoring explosion all over the court," Anthony said, adding that he was so delicious that you always wanted a little more. "This team might be hot and crispy, but they'd be a little bland without my ability to be sweet and tangy all at once." Anthony added that guard Allen Iverson was the breading that held the team together, and the rest of his teammates were the lean meat that was minced, processed, and packed into the shape of the Nuggets.