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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Carmelo Anthony Scores 36 Points While Rest Of Players Watch NFL Playoffs

DENVER—In an explosive performance Sunday night, small forward Carmelo Anthony hustled all over the court, leaping for rebounds, diving for loose balls, and erupting for 36 points while the rest of the Nuggets and Pacers players watched the exciting conclusion of the AFC Championship game. "If they're going to leave me open beyond the three-point line, I'm going to make those shots every time," said Anthony, who started slowly by missing his first six field goal attempts, but eventually caught his stride as players and coaches huddled around a small courtside television. "If I pick my spots and am patient, I can take over any game." Anthony was eventually ejected when his loudly squeaking basketball shoes distracted a referee, causing him to miss the Jets sacking Ben Roethlisberger in the end zone for a safety.

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