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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Carmelo Anthony Scores 36 Points While Rest Of Players Watch NFL Playoffs

DENVER—In an explosive performance Sunday night, small forward Carmelo Anthony hustled all over the court, leaping for rebounds, diving for loose balls, and erupting for 36 points while the rest of the Nuggets and Pacers players watched the exciting conclusion of the AFC Championship game. "If they're going to leave me open beyond the three-point line, I'm going to make those shots every time," said Anthony, who started slowly by missing his first six field goal attempts, but eventually caught his stride as players and coaches huddled around a small courtside television. "If I pick my spots and am patient, I can take over any game." Anthony was eventually ejected when his loudly squeaking basketball shoes distracted a referee, causing him to miss the Jets sacking Ben Roethlisberger in the end zone for a safety.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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