adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Case For And Against Prayer In Public Schools

As it continues to be a hot-button issue for lawmakers, here are the cases for and against allowing prayer in public schools:

FOR

  • Students’ vocabulary expanded to include “tresspasses,” “apostolic,” “prodigal,” “fiery wrath”
  • Genuflecting satisfies daily physical activity requirement
  • Hypocritical for schools to ban prayer while promoting secular magic such as chemistry and earth science
  • Might stave off God’s righteous annihilation of America a little longer
  • Gives teachers one goddamn minute of peace and quiet

AGAINST

  • Mandated prayer creates hostile environment for the hellbound
  • Time spent mindlessly regurgitating invocations could be spent mindlessly regurgitating standardized test material
  • Irresponsible to trust untrained children with the immense, fearsome power of prayer
  • Underfunded schools lack resources to provide every student with own rattlesnake to handle
  • Would require some real constitutional gymnastics to exclude non-Christian prayers




WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close