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The Case For And Against Prayer In Public Schools

As it continues to be a hot-button issue for lawmakers, here are the cases for and against allowing prayer in public schools:

FOR

  • Students’ vocabulary expanded to include “tresspasses,” “apostolic,” “prodigal,” “fiery wrath”
  • Genuflecting satisfies daily physical activity requirement
  • Hypocritical for schools to ban prayer while promoting secular magic such as chemistry and earth science
  • Might stave off God’s righteous annihilation of America a little longer
  • Gives teachers one goddamn minute of peace and quiet

AGAINST

  • Mandated prayer creates hostile environment for the hellbound
  • Time spent mindlessly regurgitating invocations could be spent mindlessly regurgitating standardized test material
  • Irresponsible to trust untrained children with the immense, fearsome power of prayer
  • Underfunded schools lack resources to provide every student with own rattlesnake to handle
  • Would require some real constitutional gymnastics to exclude non-Christian prayers




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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

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