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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Cashier Allows Line-Cutting To Go Unpunished

CHANDLER, AZ–Cashier Wendy Kile, 20, allowed a blatant case of line-cutting to go unpunished Monday at the Billings Road Safeway. "I was waiting in line when this smart-aleck teen walked right in front of me," said shopper Ida Sims, 43. "I complained to the check-out girl, but she just said, 'I honestly don't care who I take next.' What kind of answer is that?" If Safeway authorities do not punish Kile for failing to preserve the integrity of her line, Sims said she will gladly take her business to the IGA on Brook Street.

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