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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Casual Fan Ready To Introduce NFL To His Parents

HAZEL PARK, MI—Claiming that this season has been pretty entertaining, casual football fan Reggie Butler, 29, told reporters Sunday that he was ready to introduce his parents to the NFL, predicting that his mother and father would probably enjoy all its unexpected twists and turns. “I got really into it last year, and that season ended with like this big thing that I think Mom and Dad would really like,” said Butler, adding that the NFL “gets better and better as you watch it.” “I was blown away by the finale. The way they resolved it. I never saw it coming. Early in the year it wasn’t as good, but now there are all these new storylines developing and a lot of great recurring characters.” At press time, Butler had reportedly decided to take his parents to a live NFL performance.

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