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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Casual NASCAR Fan Fails To Appreciate Subtleties Of Eight-Car Crash

WESTCHESTER, NY—Occasional stock-car-racing viewer Rob Kleindienst remained unaware of, if not unimpressed by, the strategic and mechanical intricacies of a late-race accident involving eight different drivers in last Sunday's Dickies 500 at the Texas Speedway. "Wow, it just looked like the Bud Light guy barely tapped that No. 10 car and everyone just went all over the place," said Kleindienst, attempting to describe what happened when driver Kevin Harvick's approach interrupted the airflow over the spoiler of Scott Riggs' Dodge Charger, causing a loss of mechanical adhesion that resulted in catastrophic understeer and ultimately a cascading racing incident. "It was, like, sheeeoow! Whammo! Guys flying everywhere." NASCAR officials said that although Kleindienst is certainly lacking in technical knowledge, the hand motions, facial contortions, and onomatopoeia he employed while describing the accident all met or exceeded their standards.

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