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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Casual NASCAR Fan Fails To Appreciate Subtleties Of Eight-Car Crash

WESTCHESTER, NY—Occasional stock-car-racing viewer Rob Kleindienst remained unaware of, if not unimpressed by, the strategic and mechanical intricacies of a late-race accident involving eight different drivers in last Sunday's Dickies 500 at the Texas Speedway. "Wow, it just looked like the Bud Light guy barely tapped that No. 10 car and everyone just went all over the place," said Kleindienst, attempting to describe what happened when driver Kevin Harvick's approach interrupted the airflow over the spoiler of Scott Riggs' Dodge Charger, causing a loss of mechanical adhesion that resulted in catastrophic understeer and ultimately a cascading racing incident. "It was, like, sheeeoow! Whammo! Guys flying everywhere." NASCAR officials said that although Kleindienst is certainly lacking in technical knowledge, the hand motions, facial contortions, and onomatopoeia he employed while describing the accident all met or exceeded their standards.

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