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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Cat Seemed Perfectly Content Right Up Until Point He Bolted Out Of Room

SOMERSET, NJ—Twenty-eight-year-old Jason Wagner confirmed Tuesday that his cat, Pepper, seemed totally relaxed and content up until the moment he jumped from the living room couch onto the floor and darted out of the living room. “For 15 minutes he was purring, sitting on my lap—asleep even—but, just like that, it all changed,” Wagner said of his cat’s abrupt, 180-degree mood shift. “One moment, you think he could lie there the entire day, and the next he’s on some sort of impromptu search-and-destroy mission.” At press time, Pepper had reportedly walked calmly back into the room, leapt onto the couch, and lain down as if nothing had happened.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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