adBlockCheck

Sports

Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News

Catcher Doesn't Have Heart To Throw Out Stealing Johnny Damon

ARLINGTON, TX—Compassionate Texas Rangers catcher Mike Napoli could not bring himself to throw out Rays’ 37-year-old outfielder Johnny Damon as he attempted to steal second base Tuesday, allowing the two-time All Star to safely take the bag in the top of the seventh inning. “I honestly had all the time in the world to throw him out, but I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of everybody,” Napoli told reporters after the game, adding that it would have broken his heart to watch Damon get thrown out by such a large margin. “If he goes home tonight thinking that he ran so fast that it didn’t even warrant a throw, then so be it. The guy deserves his dignity.” Sources close to Napoli confirmed that Damon called Napoli the day after the game to say “Thank you.”

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings