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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Catherine Zeta-Jones Happy To See People On Internet Would Still Hit That

NEW YORK—Forty-one-year-old actress Catherine Zeta-Jones told reporters Sunday she was "quite pleased" to know a majority of Internet commenters would totally still hit that. "At this point in my career, it's encouraging to see that Devin808 would still tap my ass if he had the chance, and I was flattered when HandyMan14 said that, even though I'm not as hot now as I was in High Fidelity, he definitely wouldn't mind tearing me apart until I could barely walk," a smiling Zeta-Jones said. "CowboysFan93 was really specific about how he'd like to choke me with his cock, which, as an actress now in her 40s, really brightened my day." At press time, Zeta-Jones' husband Michael Douglas was reportedly searching for any type of Internet comment speculating on the size of his penis.

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