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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Catholic Church Rules Perjury Not A Mortal Sin

VATICAN CITY—The Vatican Synod of Bishops ruled Monday that perjury is not a mortal sin, downgrading the sin to venal."God and The Mother Church will be more than satisfied with a penance of 20 rosaries for any act of perjury," Cardinal Angelo Sodano said. "Any earthly prohibition against lying in a court of law has no relevance to the holy teachings of The Bible." The proclamation comes on the heels of last Friday's doctrinal clarification that adultery only occurs when both participants are adults.

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