adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cavaliers Impressed With Mike Brown’s Willingness To Coach Cavaliers

CLEVELAND—A week after hiring the former Lakers head coach, Cleveland Cavaliers general manager Chris Grant announced at a press conference Wednesday that the team was most excited about Mike Brown’s total willingness to coach the Cavaliers. “From the moment he expressed some interest, we knew we had our guy,” said Grant, detailing the rigorous interview process they conducted with Brown to ensure the one-time NBA Coach of the Year was serious. “Obviously, we like his experience and trust his ability to develop the young talent on our team, but what really sold us most was the fact that he evidently wants to coach here. We honestly couldn’t say that about any other candidates we considered.” After finishing with the league’s third-worst record, Grant said the Cavaliers will next turn their attention to the draft, where they hope to add yet another talented young player who doesn’t want to be in Cleveland.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close