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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Celebratory Jets Dump Cooler Of Soap And Water On Rex Ryan

BUFFALO, NY—As the clock expired Sunday in their 27-11 victory over division rival Buffalo, Jets players honored head coach Rex Ryan by dumping a celebratory orange cooler of hot, soapy water over his body and making sure to cover every inch of him with a thick, triumphant lather. "This one was all you, Coach! Your power football scheme really wore them down!" said guard Brandon Moore, who joined his fellow linemen in victoriously scouring their coach with Jets loofahs as filmy runoff from Ryan turned the sideline gray. "Those defensive substitutions were sheer genius!" added quarterback Mark Sanchez, tousling Ryan's hair thoroughly and working the soapy mixture deep into his scalp in celebration. Minutes later, when Ryan got his team's attention in the locker room to tell them they now had a share of first place in the AFC East, the Jets celebrated by popping the corks on bottles of bubble bath and hosing down their coach yet again.

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