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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Celebratory Jets Dump Cooler Of Soap And Water On Rex Ryan

BUFFALO, NY—As the clock expired Sunday in their 27-11 victory over division rival Buffalo, Jets players honored head coach Rex Ryan by dumping a celebratory orange cooler of hot, soapy water over his body and making sure to cover every inch of him with a thick, triumphant lather. "This one was all you, Coach! Your power football scheme really wore them down!" said guard Brandon Moore, who joined his fellow linemen in victoriously scouring their coach with Jets loofahs as filmy runoff from Ryan turned the sideline gray. "Those defensive substitutions were sheer genius!" added quarterback Mark Sanchez, tousling Ryan's hair thoroughly and working the soapy mixture deep into his scalp in celebration. Minutes later, when Ryan got his team's attention in the locker room to tell them they now had a share of first place in the AFC East, the Jets celebrated by popping the corks on bottles of bubble bath and hosing down their coach yet again.

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