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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Cell-Phone User Promises Girlfriend, Entire Post Office He'll Try To Change

RALEIGH, NC—Speaking on his cell phone while waiting in line to buy stamps Monday, Brad McCall assured girlfriend Stephanie Green, as well as 14 customers and six postal workers at the Jefferson Street Post Office, that he will do everything in his power to change. "Things have just been so messed-up for me lately with all the stuff that's been going on. I know I haven't been myself," he explained to Green and the crowd of strangers. "But all that's gonna change soon." McCall also told fellow post-office patrons that if getting a place together is what it takes to make her feel like he is committed, he is "totally willing."

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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