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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Census Finds Enough Homeless People Living In Public Library To Warrant Congressional District

BOSTON—According to data gathered during the 2010 census, the Honan-Allston branch of the Boston Public Library has a homeless population large enough to justify becoming Massachusetts' 11th congressional district, the U.S. Census Bureau announced Tuesday. "In addition to the destitute citizens who have long sought shelter here, the ongoing recession has forced hundreds of newly homeless Americans to seek refuge among the library's shelves," said bureau spokesman Mark Higgs, adding that a shantytown constructed by a Los Angeles overpass had recently been named its own school district. "The nonfiction section alone is in desperate need of a representative voice in the U.S. Congress." Though the new district has not yet been certified by the state, several leading candidates have already emerged on a more-toilet-paper-in-the-ladies'-room platform.

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