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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Center Worried He Did Something To Make Quarterback Call So Many Shotgun Formations

EUGENE, OR—Oregon Ducks center Jordan Holmes expressed concern Saturday that he may have said or done something to make sophomore quarterback Darron Thomas call so many shotgun formations in the Ducks' 37-20 win over Oregon State. "Darron and I fought a little at practice earlier in the week, but I could have sworn everything was fine," said Holmes, adding that the only other thing it could be was his bumping into Thomas before the team's pregame meal, but Holmes had said he was sorry and Thomas reportedly seemed to acknowledge it was an accident. "Should I apologize? I don't think I did anything, though… I should probably apologize." Thomas later told reporters that, yes, he did call so many shotgun formations because he was mad at his center, and the reason Holmes didn't know why was half the problem.

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