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CEO Has Female Sex Organs

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.

Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options
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CEO Has Female Sex Organs

RALEIGH, NC—Stockholders and board members of telecommunications giant Cyntex Industries were startled to learn Monday that company CEO Susan Nelbman has both female genitalia and engorged mammary glands. “This is a startling discovery,” Cyntex Vice President Myron Tanner said. “But in these enlightened times, we accept the freakish deformities of Mr. Nelbman, and will not discriminate against him based on his ungodly effeminate appearance.” According to company physician Hal Steohen there is no medical explanation for how a man could develop such characteristics. Nelbman, who sometimes dresses in skirts, has issued a company-wide statement explaining that she is not a man, but a woman. Board members, according to Tennenbaum, “had a good laugh at down at the gentlemen’s club.”

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