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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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CEO Unveils Bold New Plan To Undo Damage From Last Year’s Bold New Plan

NEW YORK—Saying it would mark a significant change in the company’s direction, Paradigm Marketing CEO Paul Dannon announced Monday a bold new plan that was evidently intended to undo the havoc caused by last year’s bold new plan. “It’s time to make some major shifts in how we do things [in reaction to the disastrous major shifts I implemented last year],” said Dannon of the sweeping new initiative that amounted to a point-by-point retraction of his sweeping initiative from almost exactly one year ago. “We’re all going to have to accept some changes [to salvage the resources wasted due to my last disastrous strategic move], but I’m confident this is going to be an important step [backward] for the company. And, who knows, maybe we’ll even have [no] fun [whatsoever] in the process.” At press time, Dannon was laying off several employees whose salaries amounted to the bonus he had received last year.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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