adBlockCheck

Local

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
End Of Section
  • More News

Changing Channel On Local Bar's TV More Of A Process Than Area Man Anticipated

CHEYENNE, WY—Although no one at the Bleachers Bar and Grill seemed to be paying attention to the television set, the act of getting bartender Brian Smith to press a button on a remote control and change its channel was somehow far more difficult than patron Arthur Klein had anticipated. "Boy, I don't know, that's going to be tough," Smith said following the simple, straightforward request. "That one's on the satellite and I don't really know how to use it. Plus some of the regulars might drop by a little later and they'll probably want to watch the ball game." When pressed again to change the channel, Smith reportedly told Klein that the bar didn't carry CBS.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close