'Chapter 1: Clark,' Reports Awful Manuscript

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Vol 49 Issue 12

Charlotte Bobcats Get Lost While Driving To Basket

CHARLOTTE, NC—Attempting to put together an offensive play during last night’s matchup against the Detroit Pistons, the Charlotte Bobcats’ starting five got lost while driving to the basket, team sources confirmed Sunday.
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'Chapter 1: Clark,' Reports Awful Manuscript

NEW YORK—An absolutely terrible manuscript written by local aspiring novelist Brandon Heath reported today that “Chapter 1: Clark.” “It was late autumn, the leaves on the trees were a brilliant, blazing red, and Clark Thurman was gazing at the passerby just outside his apartment window,” continued the just awful first draft of Heath’s 80,000-word book, The Final Light, which according to its author details the interlocking fortunes of three strangers living in 1950s Manhattan and which sources confirmed is very bad. “For a moment, Clark thought he heard Mary call his name from the kitchen, but then he remembered school was back in session and the woman he loved had returned to her studies at Swarthmore, leaving him here, alone. This time of year often saw Clark fall into such melancholy thoughts.” At press time, Heath’s thinly sketched character was rushing to respond to an unexpected knock on the front door of his apartment.

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