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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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'Chapter 1: Clark,' Reports Awful Manuscript

NEW YORK—An absolutely terrible manuscript written by local aspiring novelist Brandon Heath reported today that “Chapter 1: Clark.” “It was late autumn, the leaves on the trees were a brilliant, blazing red, and Clark Thurman was gazing at the passerby just outside his apartment window,” continued the just awful first draft of Heath’s 80,000-word book, The Final Light, which according to its author details the interlocking fortunes of three strangers living in 1950s Manhattan and which sources confirmed is very bad. “For a moment, Clark thought he heard Mary call his name from the kitchen, but then he remembered school was back in session and the woman he loved had returned to her studies at Swarthmore, leaving him here, alone. This time of year often saw Clark fall into such melancholy thoughts.” At press time, Heath’s thinly sketched character was rushing to respond to an unexpected knock on the front door of his apartment.

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