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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Charles Barkley Openly Gambling On College Games During CBS Halftime Report

NEW YORK—Following the first half of Thursday’s Sweet 16 matchup between the University of Dayton and Stanford University, sources confirmed that college basketball commentator Charles Barkley was observed blatantly gambling on the outcome of NCAA Tournament games throughout the CBS halftime report. “Hey, Red, lemme get 20 large on UCLA with the points, and a dime on San Diego straight up, okay?” the retired NBA star said in a cell phone conversation as cameras rolled in CBS’ broadcast studio, moments after having told a previous caller, “You don’t need to do that; I’m good for it, I swear.” “Man, these kids better get their act together, or I’m going to take a big hit. Good thing Baylor’s a lock against Wisconsin, otherwise I’d be in huge trouble. Hey, who you got in the Louisville game, Ernie?” According to viewers, Barkley then added that he was excited to collect on his numerous wagers, as the winnings represented “some prime blow job money.”

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