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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Charles Barkley Repeatedly Commends Ohio University's Hunger

ATLANTA—In a special segment of Tuesday's edition of NBA Live dedicated to the NCAA Sweet 16, analyst Charles Barkley praised the "hunger, appetite for the game, and taste for a challenge" displayed by the underdogs of Ohio University. "They've really stepped up to the plate and devoured everything in front of them," said Barkley, salivating visibly while showing highlights of the Bobcats’ best dishes and jams. "They really set the table by beating Georgetown, and I love the way they're just licking their chops over North Carolina. I predict good things for them, like a meatball sub with extra provolone and Parmesan cheese on herb-garlic bread." Barkley spent the rest of his allotted time praising the 10th-seeded Xavier team for its blow-job-like qualities.

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