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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Charles Barkley Repeatedly Commends Ohio University's Hunger

ATLANTA—In a special segment of Tuesday's edition of NBA Live dedicated to the NCAA Sweet 16, analyst Charles Barkley praised the "hunger, appetite for the game, and taste for a challenge" displayed by the underdogs of Ohio University. "They've really stepped up to the plate and devoured everything in front of them," said Barkley, salivating visibly while showing highlights of the Bobcats’ best dishes and jams. "They really set the table by beating Georgetown, and I love the way they're just licking their chops over North Carolina. I predict good things for them, like a meatball sub with extra provolone and Parmesan cheese on herb-garlic bread." Barkley spent the rest of his allotted time praising the 10th-seeded Xavier team for its blow-job-like qualities.

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