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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Charles Barkley: ‘There Were Only Ever 3 Straight NBA Players’

CHICAGO — During Monday’s pregame broadcast, TNT basketball analyst and NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley confirmed that there have been only three straight players in the history of the league: himself and two of his former Phoenix Suns teammates. "So there was me, obviously, Kevin Johnson, and I'm pretty sure Dan Majerle was mostly straight," said Barkley, adding that Wilt Chamberlain had sex with at least twice as many men as women. "George Mikan, Michael Jordan, Jerry West, the entire Detroit Pistons roster under Chuck Daley, Chuck Daley, James Worthy, which is a no-brainer once you meet the guy, Derrick Coleman, and everyone else—all card-carrying friends of Dorothy. I’ll say this, if you want to see gay in all its glory, enter an NBA locker room. There is no more gay-friendly place on earth.” Barkley's controversial statement comes on the heels of another incident just two days earlier, when Kevin McHale, upon being asked about Joakim Noah's use of an antigay slur, responded by passionately kissing TNT commentator Kenny Smith until the channel broke to commercial.

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