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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Charles Barkley: ‘There Were Only Ever 3 Straight NBA Players’

CHICAGO — During Monday’s pregame broadcast, TNT basketball analyst and NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley confirmed that there have been only three straight players in the history of the league: himself and two of his former Phoenix Suns teammates. "So there was me, obviously, Kevin Johnson, and I'm pretty sure Dan Majerle was mostly straight," said Barkley, adding that Wilt Chamberlain had sex with at least twice as many men as women. "George Mikan, Michael Jordan, Jerry West, the entire Detroit Pistons roster under Chuck Daley, Chuck Daley, James Worthy, which is a no-brainer once you meet the guy, Derrick Coleman, and everyone else—all card-carrying friends of Dorothy. I’ll say this, if you want to see gay in all its glory, enter an NBA locker room. There is no more gay-friendly place on earth.” Barkley's controversial statement comes on the heels of another incident just two days earlier, when Kevin McHale, upon being asked about Joakim Noah's use of an antigay slur, responded by passionately kissing TNT commentator Kenny Smith until the channel broke to commercial.

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