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Charles Woodson

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Charles Woodson

STRENGTHS: Won the Heisman Trophy, which, come to think of it, has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on this game; unique ability to line-up anywhere on the field except, for some reason, the 36-yard line; disguises blitz by dropping back into coverage right after he sacks the quarterback

WEAKNESSES: Always trying to do Heisman Trophy pose in midair while jumping up to intercept ball; cannot be in two places at once, which is unfortunately crucial to the Packers' zone-coverage schemes; catlike reflexes and instincts actually a huge detriment considering cats are terrified by running men and thrown footballs

INTANGIBLES: Woodson adds an element to this team that is nearly impossible to explain, so we won't

PLAYING STYLE: Laid-back hip-hop with jazzy hard-bop influences

REAL MOTIVATION FOR WANTING TO VISIT WHITE HOUSE: President must be warned of something crucial to future of the nation, and Woodson cannot reach him through standard diplomatic channels

NEXT: Clay Matthews

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