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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Charlize Theron Hired To Ride Struggling Cleveland Light Rail System Monday Through Friday

CLEVELAND—As part of an ongoing effort to rejuvenate its public transportation system, the Greater Cleveland Regional Transit Authority announced Wednesday that it had signed a three-year, $32 million deal hiring Academy Award–winning actress Charlize Theron to ride the city's light-rail lines eight hours a day, Monday through Friday. "Each work week, Ms. Theron will bring the glitz and glamour of a Hollywood movie premiere right to Cleveland's own RTA Rapid Transit trains," spokesperson Ted Reardon said of the agreement, which will also require the 36-year-old Hancock star to use Cleveland's public buses for 14 consecutive hours on the third Saturday of every month. "Who knows? You might just see Charlize on the Red Line, the Blue Line, or sleeping on a wooden bench in the Tower City station!" This latest initiative reportedly builds on the Cleveland water service's recent awareness program, which largely involved paying Alfred Molina to swim laps in the central reservoir.

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