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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Charlotte Bobcats Seeded 7th In NIT

CHARLOTTE, NC—The Bobcats' locker room exploded with joy and relief Sunday when coach Larry Brown informed the team that they had defied expectations by squeaking into the National Invitational Tournament and would face off against Division 2 powerhouse West Virginia in the first round. "I knew we wouldn't be going to the Big Dance, but there's no shame in going to the NIT," Bobcats standout Raja Bell said. "We know we're considered the third-best team in North Carolina, but that just gives us more motivation. If we play well, and carry that into next season, the 2010 NCAA tournament isn't out of the question." As of press time, the Bobcats were trailing West Virginia 32-47.

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