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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Charlotte Bobcats Still Practicing For Some Reason

CHARLOTTE, NC—Despite being only a week away from the end of a season in which they have lost more than 50 games, the NBA's Charlotte Bobcats are, for reasons unknown at this time, still meeting regularly to practice. "As far as I can tell, they were eliminated from the playoffs some time in February," Bobcats practice facility security guard Fran Kirkland said Thursday, noting that the team has already secured the league's worst record of the season. "But they still show up here with all their equipment like it's business as usual, pass the ball around, run shooting drills, even break a sweat—I swear to God." Sources close to the Bobcats were unable to confirm if there is some sort of league rule that requires teams to practice or if Charlotte is simply preparing to play some other sport that uses practice drills similar to those employed in basketball.

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