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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Charlotte Bobcats Still Practicing For Some Reason

CHARLOTTE, NC—Despite being only a week away from the end of a season in which they have lost more than 50 games, the NBA's Charlotte Bobcats are, for reasons unknown at this time, still meeting regularly to practice. "As far as I can tell, they were eliminated from the playoffs some time in February," Bobcats practice facility security guard Fran Kirkland said Thursday, noting that the team has already secured the league's worst record of the season. "But they still show up here with all their equipment like it's business as usual, pass the ball around, run shooting drills, even break a sweat—I swear to God." Sources close to the Bobcats were unable to confirm if there is some sort of league rule that requires teams to practice or if Charlotte is simply preparing to play some other sport that uses practice drills similar to those employed in basketball.

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