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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Charlton Heston Gets Serious

HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a quarter century of wacky, lighthearted comedy roles, veteran actor Charlton Heston has accepted a part in a Biblical epic to air on TNT. “I have spent my entire career doing pratfalls and mugging for the camera,” Heston said. “Now I intend to wipe the smirk off my face and go deep into a serious, dramatic role.” In the cable epic, tentatively titled The Story of the Holy Bible, Heston will play the Old Testament character Yahew. When asked if he expects the switch to be challenging, Heston yelled, “Get your paws off me, you damned, dirty apes!”

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