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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Chatter Down 10 Percent

NEW YORK—The usage of common baseball chatter, including phrases like "Heybattabatta" and "Swingbattabatta," is down among teams at all levels by 10 percent, according to a report released by the Elias Sports Bureau Wednesday. "It's difficult to determine why Americans would not want to slightly alter their voices and yell, 'Whaddayasaynowkid'," said ESB analyst Edward Coffey, noting that Little League Baseball, traditionally considered the most important development area for chatter, recorded only 8.9 million instances of banter, patter, and other team-centric commentary this May, well down from last year's 12.7 million. "It could be the economy or the general state of the world, as chatter was down almost 30 percent during the recession of the early '90s. Then again, in the Great Depression we saw an outpouring of hundreds of novel forms of chatter. It's entirely possible chatter is entering a whole new era." In related news, chatter specifically for David Ortiz has dropped 90 percent.

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