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Chatter Down 10 Percent

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Chatter Down 10 Percent

NEW YORK—The usage of common baseball chatter, including phrases like "Heybattabatta" and "Swingbattabatta," is down among teams at all levels by 10 percent, according to a report released by the Elias Sports Bureau Wednesday. "It's difficult to determine why Americans would not want to slightly alter their voices and yell, 'Whaddayasaynowkid'," said ESB analyst Edward Coffey, noting that Little League Baseball, traditionally considered the most important development area for chatter, recorded only 8.9 million instances of banter, patter, and other team-centric commentary this May, well down from last year's 12.7 million. "It could be the economy or the general state of the world, as chatter was down almost 30 percent during the recession of the early '90s. Then again, in the Great Depression we saw an outpouring of hundreds of novel forms of chatter. It's entirely possible chatter is entering a whole new era." In related news, chatter specifically for David Ortiz has dropped 90 percent.

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