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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Cheetos Social Media Team Arguing Over Whether Tweet In Chester Cheetah’s Voice

NEW YORK—Raising their voices in a heated debate over conflicting visions for the fictional animated spokescharacter, members of the Cheetos social media team reportedly argued late into the night Wednesday about whether a proposed tweet was in Chester Cheetah’s voice. “Chester would never say that,” said visibly agitated social media manager Stephen Newton, who expressed strong objections that the tweet was inconsistent with the public image and complex personality Cheetos has carefully cultivated for the cheese-obsessed, sunglasses-wearing cartoon cat since his inception in 1986. “Come on. You know that Chester would not say the word ‘snacking,’ he’d say ‘snackin.’ Chester is a smooth, cool cat. This tweet is not smooth or cool.” At press time, sources confirmed that a team member had angrily stormed out of the room after a younger colleague accused him of being part of Cheetos’ “Old Guard” and unwilling to accept a more cutting-edge direction for Chester Cheetah.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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