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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Cherokee Nation Leader Announces 32 Red A Winner

CATOOSA, OK–Joe Byrd, Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation, issued a table-wide proclamation Saturday, declaring 32 red a winner. "And 32 red is a winner," the leader of the Oklahoma tribe announced. "A big payoff for the little lady." Byrd became pit boss of the Cherokee Nation's roulette table in a peyote ceremony last week following a six-month stint supervising the tribe's 25 blackjack tables.

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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