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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Cherokee Nation Makes Headlines As Fraction Of Actress's Bloodline

CHICAGO—The proud and ancient Cherokee Nation was thrust into the spotlight during a taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show this week, taking center stage as one-eighth of actress Cameron Diaz's ancestry. "How exotic," Ms. Winfrey commented on the What Happens In Vegas costar's heritage, briefly calling attention to the Cherokee people and their millennia of vibrant culture and tradition. "Tell us what it's like working with Mike Myers." The instance marked the highest-profile mention of the tribe since 1838, when thousands of Cherokee men, women, and children were forcibly rounded up and marched 1,000 miles to what is now known as Oklahoma.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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