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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Chevron Touts Green Initiative With Hybrid-Powered Oil Drilling Platforms

SAN RAMON, CA—Touting the next-generation drilling technology’s environmental friendliness at a press conference Thursday, officials from energy corporation Chevron proudly unveiled a new green initiative to use hybrid-powered deep-sea platforms to reach deposits of crude oil below the ocean floor. “As the world comes to recognize the need for more eco-conscious practices, we at Chevron are proud to lead the movement with our new reduced-emission oil extraction platforms,” said company spokesperson Chelsea Henning, who went on to explain that the massive new mechanisms built to cut deep into the earth and pump out vast stores of fossil fuel would emit barely two-thirds the CO2 of earlier processes. “But we’re not stopping there. We’ve made it our goal to ensure all offshore drilling rigs run entirely on solar and wind power by 2040.” Company officials later unveiled another green initiative, noting that they would immediately switch to a zero-emission, battery-powered fleet of containment vessels to help limit damage from future oil spills.

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