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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Chicken Feeling Better

DILLON, SC—A chicken at Perdue Farms' Dillon plant downplayed reports of illness Tuesday, saying she was feeling much better. "I might have had a touch of some sort of flu, but I'm over my fever and keeping the ol' corn down. B'cawk!" the broiler told trade journal Watt Poultry USA yesterday. "There's absolutely no need to smother me in a trash bag or incinerate me whatsoever." A Perdue spokesman said the chicken will soon resume her duties pecking at grain and being oblivious to her future as a cordon bleu sandwich.

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