First adopters are already cutting off their limbs at the wrists in preparation for the release of the latest must-have Apple gadget, the sleek new iHand. Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC.
DILLON, SCA chicken at Perdue Farms' Dillon plant downplayed reports of illness Tuesday, saying she was feeling much better. "I might have had a touch of some sort of flu, but I'm over my fever and keeping the ol' corn down. B'cawk!" the broiler told trade journal Watt Poultry USA yesterday. "There's absolutely no need to smother me in a trash bag or incinerate me whatsoever." A Perdue spokesman said the chicken will soon resume her duties pecking at grain and being oblivious to her future as a cordon bleu sandwich.