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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Chiefs Realize Brady Quinn Received 'Frog And Toad Are Friends' Instead Of Playbook

KANSAS CITY, MO—Dismayed Kansas City Chiefs personnel told reporters Monday that backup quarterback Brady Quinn had mistakenly received a copy of Arnold Lobel's children's picture book Frog And Toad Are Friends instead of the team's 54-page playbook. "Brady kept talking about how he spent hours each night poring over the book and memorizing the diagrams in it," Chiefs head coach Romeo Crennel said of the Caldecott Honor book, which is designated level two in the "I Can Read" series and is intended for "readers who are increasingly confident, but still need some help." "It wasn't until he started telling little stories in the huddle about coat buttons and ponds that we realized something was up. He does seem to have learned some important lessons about friendship from the book. He's more communicative on the field, and he's sharing the ball better, but he's much further away from being game-ready than we thought." At press time, Quinn was preparing for Sunday's season opener against the Atlanta Falcons by carefully studying footage from the second season of Yo Gabba Gabba!.

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