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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Child Makes Useless Gesture To Help Struggling Family

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Having observed his parents falling further into debt and despair since the auto plant where his father worked shut down, 5-year-old Brian Jacobson emptied out his entire piggy bank onto the kitchen table Monday, a worthless offering that will make absolutely no impact on his family's dire financial situation. "Here, Mom, I saved these quarters for the house," said the young Jacobson, eradicating .000002 percent of his parents' next mortgage payment. "You can take my Halloween candy, too. I got some left." Although his remaining four Tootsie Rolls and half dozen Smarties will likely not prevent a foreclosure on the Jacobson's home, the kindergartner will reportedly rescue his family from the brink of bankruptcy next month when he chokes to death on a defective Happy Meal toy.

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