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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Child Shown Field Where Cubs Suck

CHICAGO—Visiting for the first time in his young life, 9-year-old Jacob Tendering was reportedly shown the field where his favorite team, the Chicago Cubs, suck every home game of the year, sources confirmed Wednesday. “That’s the place where all the shittiness happens,” said the child’s father, Lee Tendering, adding that the Cubs have been fucking up at Wrigley Field for almost 100 years. “Your grandpa used to take me here to watch the Cubs suck when I was a boy, and hopefully someday you’ll bring your son here to watch the Cubs suck.” At press time, Jacob’s father was fondly recalling how it was much cheaper to watch the Cubs suck back then.

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