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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Child Slavery Gives Area Activist Something To Do With Her Evenings

BOULDER, CO—The scourge of child slavery, an abhorrent practice affecting millions of exploited children under 12 worldwide, has given local woman Jenny Slocum, 36, something to do with her Tuesday and Thursday evenings. "Most Tuesdays I would end up just moping around the house, anyway, and child slavery's pretty awful," said Slocum, who "met some really cool people" while attending a recent meeting for Child Slavery Outreach. "Maybe next week I could host a CSO potluck and we could just hang out and talk about child slavery and stuff." Slocum said her commitment to child slavery would continue indefinitely unless the global warming people started meeting on the same nights.

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