Child Slavery Gives Area Activist Something To Do With Her Evenings

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 06

World Inspired By First Snowman To Win Luge

VANCOUVER—In what has become the most inspiring story at the XXI Winter Olympiad, the luge was won Sunday by the most unlikely of competitors: Tom, a snowman rolled together just two days earlier by the Kansy family of Vancouver.

Forgotten Assyrian God Revived To Name Sports Drink

NEW YORK—Powerade representatives said it was Nisroch's pronounced calf muscle in various depictions from the eighth century B.C. that initially attracted them to the once highly revered eagle-headed farming deity.

Google Asks NSA For Security Help

In light of recent hacking attacks, search engine leviathan Google has asked the National Security Agency for help securing its network. What do...

Rachael Flatt vs. Kim Yu-Na

It's America's Sweetheart versus the presumed sweetheart of the rest of the world as figure skaters Rachael Flatt and Kim Yu-na square off in Vancouver.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Business

Child Slavery Gives Area Activist Something To Do With Her Evenings

BOULDER, CO—The scourge of child slavery, an abhorrent practice affecting millions of exploited children under 12 worldwide, has given local woman Jenny Slocum, 36, something to do with her Tuesday and Thursday evenings. "Most Tuesdays I would end up just moping around the house, anyway, and child slavery's pretty awful," said Slocum, who "met some really cool people" while attending a recent meeting for Child Slavery Outreach. "Maybe next week I could host a CSO potluck and we could just hang out and talk about child slavery and stuff." Slocum said her commitment to child slavery would continue indefinitely unless the global warming people started meeting on the same nights.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More